MAKE HIM LOVE YOU.

Jackpot. 

No better start to a healthy relationship than forcing your significant other to love you. Ladies, read up.

I. What the hell is jawing? Guys, you apparently love it, so hopefully you know.

II. Duck terrine with glazed shallots? How unnecessarily specific... Now every single lady reading Yahoo News is going to go shopping for duck meat with the notion that duck carcass = love. Because of your article, Miss Jerusha Stewart, the duck population will take a dangerous dive, possibly ending in the duck landing feverishly on the endangered species list. Thus, the now meagre flock of surviving ducks will have to go into hiding, with no idea that you prompted this massacre with your rash irresponsibility and desire for overly detailed writing flourishes. You are a menace, Jerusha.

III. As a female, naturally my first idea for a fun thing to do is a mani/pedi, how did you know?! And of course his would be a an entire day of basketball. Sexism: check!

IV. Your first point of advice is essentially do something fun. Really? Thank you so much, Yahoo, for this concept that never would have occurred to me otherwise!

V. Oh Yahoo, it's so easy to forget that men are not "impenetrable-ego'd" robots. I barely remember they're human sometimes!  It's such a pesky minor detail, thanks for the reminder.

VI. "Rather than sulk all evening about his lack of class, she'll focus on the funny conversation they're having." Poor people say such funny things! Classism: check!

VII. Tips #2 & #3 summarized: don't be a dick.

VIII. Common knowledge that two heads are better than one, eh? Are you prepared to back up that statement scientifically, Jerusha? Might I see your sources? Because according to Scientific American, it depends, and I'm willing to bet you didn't read that article before making such a flippant statement.

IX. #5 confuses me. You seem to be implying that I shouldn't stalk my boyfriend. Wait, that can't be right...

X. Jerusha Stewart, a.k.a. The Last Single Girl in the World? That's what they call you? I think this explains a lot.

XI. Every tip in this article basically says one thing: Hey girls, don't be a douchebag! Dudes will like you more if you aren't a total raging asshole! Again, an issue that would have been difficult to grasp without the wonder that is Yahoo News. Thanks Yahoo!


Want to further explore how to force a man to love you through obvious means? Read the Original Article here!