So for my inaugural post as contributor to this blog, I chose a piece which just plain offended me as a human being.

Oh wow. Oh wowowow. So, YahooNews (always, always one word) you're telling me that when I buy shit I'm not meant to keep it forever!? Oh YahooNews, here I stand holding everything I own over an incinerator, please, please enlighten me as to which of my possessions will be the first to burn!

"Clothes: Even if you received something as a gift, it's okay to let it go," says organizer Marilyn Bohn. "You only need to keep what works for you."Here's a sad truth: You're probably not going to lose the weight to fit into those 10-year-old clothes you have in the closet. Just give it up and give them away!"

Ok. Well. I see. You know, YahooNews, I've been noticing those jeans looking a little tight on you lately so maybe you should THROW THEM AWAY. YOU WILL NEVER BE THIN. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN GAIN WEIGHT SO JUST STOP TRYING.

Moving on...

"Another item many moms find hogging valuable cupboard space: coffee mugs. "We had over 20 coffee mugs," says Kansas mom Dawn Schnake. She and her husband each chose four mugs to keep and donated the rest to a church rummage sale."

You...you donated them? You had too many coffee mugs so you donated them?? What GENIUSES live among us!!!

"Even if you received something as a gift, it's okay to let it go," says organizer Marilyn Bohn. "You only need to keep what works for you."

Wait wait wait. WHAT?! I don't need to keep things that I don't need? All this meaningless shit that everyone gives me every year is not essential to my existence? You know, every day I learn something new. Every. Damn. Day. Sayonara, SantaHatThatPlaysChristmasCarolsEveryTimeIFUCKINGBLINK. Consider. Yourself. INCINERATED!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So.

Thank you YahooNews for helping declutter my life. I always look for your teachings with humble anticipation. So...uh...thanks. Bitch.