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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Valentine's gift ideas for men & women


WHAT?! These people clearly have no regard for carefully constructed iambic pentameter. 

...that said, I would like to be cast as every single character in Merchant of Venice, please. All of them.

All the creative responsibility! By God, what to choose?! Lets check out the example photo, I bet that sports something expressive and unique. Oh. "I love you." How revolutionary...

Plus, its not like you can shove a sonnet in there, it fits about nine characters. 

Oh Valentine's day, a time of chocolate, roses, sterling silver hearts, Parisian perfume and all the romance of... painting your own sneakers? Really?

And I'm docking an extra ten points for the "start her off on the right foot" statement. We have a no-tolerance policy for puns here at Vital News.



Aaaand now, for the boys:
THIS IS A BLOCK OF WOOD. JUST A BLOCK OF WOOD. YOU CARVE IT YOURSELF. Hell, just grab a scrap from a lumber yard and slap a stamp on it, save 9 bucks. 

 I received a block of wood as a gift once. Shitty present. Not recommended. Though my block of wood was blank. No message. Just a slab of pressurized wood. Wasn't even sanded, come to think of it, I think it gave me a splinter.

Never once, in my life, have I ever heard the response to What do you want for a present? be A BOTTLE OF HOT SAUCE! FUCKYEAH!


read the full article here

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